On Reflection

It’s still a case of the nostalgia outweighing the quality of the actual product and despite being ever so slightly fond of it for that reason, we can get that feeling just by seeing its name on our list of games; there’s no need to actually play the wretched thing.

The Score

Defender is a classic. There you go all you retro buffs! Now walk along, go away, leave us alone please. Shoo. Have they all gone? Good. The reason we ask is because – whisper it, don’t shout – Defender actually sucks a bit on Xbox Live Arcade. It’s not really the fault of Defender itself and there’s no doubt that its sparkling heritage, demented fan base and tight gameplay crafted by the masterful hand of Eugene Jarvis protects it from receiving too bad a kicking. There’s a nice hypnotic element to dodging the alien spaceships while saving the humans and it does a decent job of retaining the high score chase element that powered so many titles back in the day.

Even so, Defender is an ill-fit for Xbox Live Arcade, featuring lo-fi graphics even in the updated version and coming on the tail end of an almighty retro barrage that has exhausted almost all nostalgia for titles of yesteryear. With wonky controls and maddening difficulty added to the mix, this is one retro stew that hasn’t had enough care or attention put into it to disguise the fact that it’s been sitting on the shelf for 3,000 years or how ever long ago Defender first came out. Our advice is to simply move onto the next review before the retro buffs come back with their pixelated pitchforks and limp fist-waving to show their anger, the crazy bastards.

5 out of 10