Y’know, cool Japanese nonsense is all well and good, but sometimes that Kawaii waving cat hides sharpened claws of stainless steel. We’re all up for fresh concepts every now and again (which Beautiful Katamari technically is following the series’ migration to 360 from PS2), but it’s all ironically one-dimensional for a game based upon rolling around a giant sphere. The crucial wound, for want of not wanting to harp on, is dual: you spend 95 per cent of your time rolling around repeatedly, like the world’s least angular tank, while pretty much any attempt to spice things up fails, for a variety of reasons.

For those unfamiliar, Beautiful Katamari charges players with collecting a wealth of debris from various everyday locations, due to a story that doesn’t particularly matter. It doesn’t. Really. Well (cough), it’s because the King of all Cosmos created a black hole by shooting a tennis ball through the atmosphere. Don’t say you weren’t warned. Anyway, using both analogue sticks you must trundle through progressively larger items, building a ball containing coins, barrels, people, buildings, and eventually the Democratic Republic Of Congo. Once again, don’t say you weren’t warned. Providing a certain diameter is reached by a certain time, success is guaranteed, forming a star to lie in the depressingly bare solar system. Apart from that last bit, sounds simple enough.

Trouble is, things don’t seem to progress from here, Namco no doubt suggesting that the kooky charm makes up for a moment or two of boredom. Nevertheless, multiple questions pop up that never really get answered. Why, with such an awkward concept to program a camera position for, do some set pieces require the picking up of certain types of item over others? Even if the corner of some building didn’t obscure your view, we’re talking the eyesight of an owl here. Stick a bag over anyone’s head and see how wrong they become. Why are around three-quarters of available challenges simple races to a certain girth? Why, indeed, given the opportunities of 360, was the decision not made to zoom the viewpoint out a little, reducing the amount of nausea katamari rolling can bring about and allowing players a better view generally. Not everyone wants to hear about how manly the Prince’s cousins are, man. Why too has Namco not taken the opportunity to spice up its heavily stylised visuals for this 360 release? Yes, there’s a distinctive style on show that needs to be protected, but a lot of gamers out there are going to do the simple ‘exactly how much of my 50 quid did it cost them to recycle old assets’ calculation and decide it’s not worth it.

So, what exactly does Beautiful Katamari offer that makes awarding the score we did make us cry the tears of a six-year-old girl? Well, first and foremost the overall concept is something you simply won’t find anywhere else on 360. Later levels of the game really do see you expand your katamari from less than a metre wide to thousands of kilometres, drawing in stars and planets with its mighty gravitational pull. No loading gaps, no interruptions. Secondly, tiresome preamble aside, it’s rare to see a videogame going all-out to offer an experience as close to distilled fun as possible. Now the phrase ‘we want to create the universe’ has moved from the feverish dream of a madman to something a company can turn round in less than a hardware generation, it’s refreshing to see dogs being captured in your mighty stack, wiggling their legs as you go along.

For all the increasingly frenzied grins you’ll be forced into however, you can’t help but think this should have been a download along the lines of Tomb Raider: Anniversary. And then, of course, you’ve the fundamental problem from which Katamari has always suffered, namely the only reason it’s difficult at all is because you can’t see enough of the play area. The contrast between Super Monkey Ball and Marble Madness mirrors this, except Sega’s classic at least had the decency to provide you with a map of each stage to avoid confusion. As it is, you’re left to speed around each level frantically first time out, gradually learning from mistakes made towards the end of your time limit, eventually coming up with a route that will bring victory. It’s a nice opportunity to swing your head from side to side and play ‘hunt the English word in the sweet ambient music’, but ultimately frustrating. A word apt to the game as a whole, second only perhaps to ‘overpriced’. On the day you see this in the bargain bin (properly reduced that is, not with the usual five quid discount second hand brings nowadays), give it a shot. Until then, just roll one of those sticky dust collectors round for a bit. Harsh words for an idea so new to 360, but they had to be said.

Dave Shaw